im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
