Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
