guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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