my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
