i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
