I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mom said you looked used
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
