I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
