Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
