I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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