I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
