a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
