Will you blow on my dice?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
