she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
