now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
