I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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