I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
