So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
