Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
