She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
