So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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