dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
