Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
