3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
