theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
