so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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