He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
