I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
