Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
