and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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