hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
