Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
