Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
