I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
