you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
