I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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