Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
