we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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