I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
