(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
