Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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