just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
