Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
