Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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