we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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