You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
