Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
