I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
