My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
