I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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