sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
