guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
