I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
