proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
