it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
