her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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